For ages, Apple fanboys have been unable to measure their own dicks, thanks mostly to the fact that electronic measuring devices don’t go that small. OK, there are electron microscopes, but Apple does not make them.
When Apple released its new iPhone software update on Monday, it came with a new app called Measure, a digital ruler using the phone’s camera.
Included in iOS 12, the app allows people to determine the length of objects in real time. Users can simply point the phone’s camera at objects and tap its endpoints. From there, the app will calibrate its measurements.
“I used the Measure app on my pecker this morning and let’s just say I’ve been humbled”, tweeted one user.
“Now boys can’t use the excuse of ‘[I Don’t know], I’ve never measured [my penis] before'”, wrote another user.
Did this mean that Apple had finally written some software that worked? Well don’t hold your breath. Tech blog Kirkville found that objects measured twice resulted in different sizes so it is probably just telling Apple fans what they want to hear.
That has not stopped Apple fanboys sticking the measurements on their dick picks. Apparently, it has the advantage of showing girls that they have the latest iPhone which they believe will get them laid - like that happened ever - and the bonus of showing women how attractive their best feature is – which it really isn't.
Or perhaps the iPhone app gives different dick measurements because the fanboys become more and more excited as they do it over and over again?