News - subcat

Tim Cook orders law makers to leave his lucrative app store alone
Published in News


If you make us face the music, user-privacy will suffer

Fruit and nutty cargo-cult supremo Tim Cook told politicians to stop bringing anti-trust charges against his app-store.

Tim Cook faces shareholder revolt
Published in News
Thursday, 17 February 2022 11:53

Tim Cook faces shareholder revolt


We are paying him too much

Proxy advisory firm Institutional Shareholder Services (ISS) urged Apple investors to vote against Chief Executive Officer Tim Cook's remuneration, citing concerns around the magnitude and structure of his equity award.

Apple CEO Tim Cook allegedly stalked by an armed woman
Published in News


She claims he is the mother of her children

Apple boss Tim Cook appears to be being stalked by an armed woman who claims he is the father of her children.

Tim Cook makes 1,447 times more than average Apple employee
Published in News


Nearly $100 million a year

Apple boss Tim Cook's pay in 2021 was 1,447 times that of the average employee at the tech giant, thanks mostly to stock awards that helped him earn a total of nearly $100 million.

Leaked email shows that Cook is cracking down on leakers
Published in News


Release the hounds - there shall be no leaking here

Apple CEO Tim Cook has warned employees about leaking company information and says he is cracking down on leakers.  Unfortunately his email was leaked and provided much mirth to the non-Apple press.  

Cook feels lonely and wants his staff back in the office
Published in News


I can’t have you thinking differently

Fruity cargo cult Apple is returning to the old days of working from the office, attending boring meetings, and being under control because its CEO Tim Cook misses the idea of a busy office.

Cook should be slapped for "carefully tended ignorance"
Published in News


Apple CEO apparently does not know what is going on

Apple CEO Tim Cook turn in the stand in the Epic antitrust battle appears to have been a loud-sounding yawn with what observers called a mild, carefully tended ignorance that left many of the lawsuit's key questions unanswered.

Tim Cook is a billionaire
Published in News
Tuesday, 11 August 2020 13:25

Tim Cook is a billionaire


As Apple's share prices increase

Apple chief executive Tim Cook has moved into the billionaire club as the tech firm's share price continues to soar.

Apple's marketing supremo replaced by deputy
Published in News
Wednesday, 05 August 2020 12:34

Apple's marketing supremo replaced by deputy


Will work as a "fellow" who reports to Cook

Fruity cargo cult Apple announced that its longtime marketing boss Phil Schiller will step down from his role and be replaced by one of his deputies, Greg Joswiak, who now has Schiller's former title of vice president of worldwide marketing.

Apple faces darker trials and tribulations
Published in News

 

Could this be the end of the world?

Apple's temporal and spiritual head Tim Cook has warned of potential trials and tribulations for followers of the cargo cult due to the plague coronavirus, the unfaithful apostates and heretics who belive in value for money.