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Apple’s bank is the Hotel California of banking

by on05 June 2023

Check your money in whenever you like, but you can’t take it out

Apple fanboys are a little surprised that Apple’s Savings Account system has a super-cool, innovative feature that means they can’t take it out.

Apple's savings account is in partnership with Goldman Sachs, which is currently fending off two federal lawsuits which claim it is a knowing facilitator and cash conduit for Jeffrey Epstein’s child sex trafficking ring.

Their partnership was launched in April to great hype, with fanboys dreaming they could finally entrust all their money to their favourite multi-national. Customers deposited $1 billion in the first four days after the feature debuted on April 17. However, it appears that their dream has been dashed because it has been too hard to get their money out.

One case was Nathan Thacker, who lives outside Atlanta and had the temerity to want to transfer $1,700 from his Apple account to JPMorgan Chase since 15 May.

Each time he called Goldman's customer service department, he said he was told to give it a few more days.

The money arrived in his Chase account after The Wall Street Journal contacted Goldman about Thacker and other customers' experiences. Others said they had trouble transferring money from their new Apple accounts.

Customer service representatives at Goldman, which holds the deposits, sometimes gave differing responses about what to do, they said. Sometimes, the money vanished, not appearing in their Apple account or the account they were trying to move it to.

The Tame Apple Press has been doing its best to claim that the problem is that only brand-new accounts, like Apple's, transfers that make up a large share of the overall balance can trigger anti-money-laundering alerts or other security concerns that require additional review. However, those delays usually last five days and don’t require money to mysteriously vanish.

One would have thought that Apple and Goldman Sachs would have sorted this out before launching the accounting system.  Maybe in a year or two they will get around to issuing a patch.


Last modified on 05 June 2023
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