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Fundamentalist cult looks at Iranian take-over

by on30 October 2014


No, not Isis, the other extreme fundamentalist cult

A fundamentalist cult dedicated to lowering the standards of the world is hoping to attract new followers in Iran.

The Apple Cargo cult, which is famous for followers queuing for miles for expensive talismans that they could buy online and its excessive proselytising of overpriced bending products that set fire to its follower’s groins, thinks it can get a foothold in Iran.

It does make a lot of sense. Iran’s extremists are fond of following whatever their religious chiefs say without engaging their brains and have the right herd mentality for Apple to recruit.

However it is unlikely that the nation which frowns on rival religions AND the shallowness of the evil west will allow Apple to set up shop.

Nevertheless, according to AppleInsider, Apple is reportedly in early stage talks with distributors to start official sales of its products in the country.

Senior Apple executives are courting prospective Iranian distributors at the company's headquarters in London, paving the way for an official reseller network in the Middle East country.

Apple’s one hope is that there has been a thawing of tension between the US and Iran after the Isis invaded Syria and Iraq. Iran is no fan of ISIS and is seen as the key to giving the serial beheaders a good kicking.

It also has a few problems in that there are still a lot of sanctions in place which will stop Apple bringing in its shiney, bendy and inflammable toys.

Apple is expected us "premium resellers" in its Iranian operations, as it does not think it will get away with building its cathedrals to western consumerism er flagship Apple Stores in Iran. The business model would take after franchise-style outlets that deal only in Apple products, a strategy used in certain areas of Europe and Asia.

A number of big-name Asian corporations are already selling their wares and have become well entrenched in the region.

The Obama administration reportedly recently eased restrictions of high-tech electronics as they could help citizen protestors disrupt the Iranian regime. Unfortunately, as Hong Kong protesters found out, Apple gear is quite easy for authoritarian governments to hack.


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