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Tame Apple Press tries to protect Jobs' Apple legacy

by on25 August 2011

As shares tank
The reality distortion field around Apple started to crumble after Steve Jobs announced he was quitting the Cargo cult. Normally Messiahs leave their religion it is feet first, unless the death of choice was crucifixion, or dismemberment, but in this case Steve appears to have finally admitted that he is too sick to continue.

Based on that news the Apple share price fell as investors suddenly realised that there was no way that the outfit could make the sort of profits that sustain that over valued shareprice. With Jobs in control, miracles were possible, they reasoned, but their was no way that a mortal like Tim Cooke could pull that feat off.

The Tame Apple Press rushed to the company's aid, digging up analysts who claim that Apple will do as well as Christianity did after the death of Jesus. We were half expecting one to say “in 2000 years your children will be sexually assaulted by a true and holy staff member of an Apple store, just like you get in the Roman Catholic church today.”

The truth of the matter is that Jobs encouraged a cult of personality based around his marketing. He built a religion where happiness was found by spending huge amounts of dosh on gadgets and attacking other people who did not support your decision.

Once he removed himself from that position, people had to look at Apple as the toymaking outfit it really is and wonder if it can really make it in the cut and thrust world of technology. Apple was just about marketing, which it was very good at. If it can continue that growth, without Jobs, we will be very surprised.

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