But... but... that is impossible
Apple's faith-based security system is finding itself under siege from a hacking campaign.
Use Android, UK government says
A scheme to allow European Union citizens who want to stay in the UK after the country leaves next year will exclude people who use iPhones from registering.
Fine is probably not going to hurt
Fruity cargo cult Apple has been slapped rigorously about the chops with a wet bus ticket by an Aussie court which decided that it was wrong to brick iPhones which had been fixed at non-authorised repairers.
Further signs that Apple's cash cow is stuck
Apple expects to ship 80 million new model iPhones this year, down 20 percent from what it had planned at the same time last year.
It still denied it
Fruity cargo cult Apple knew that its iPhone 6 and 6 Plus were designed in such a way that they would bend, according to internal documents.
Neither side happy
A US court has ruled that Samsung must pay Apple $539 million for infringing five patents with Android phones it sold in 2010 and 2011, but there are major reasons why Apple will not be happy with the verdict.
Despite security fears
Despite the fact that he is placing the United States in the hands of Apple's unique security system, President Donald (Prince of Orange) Trump refuses to give up his two iPhones, even if his security staff plead with him to be a little more sensible.
Never mind inovation look at my wad
You would think that with its iPhone cash cow dying and it being unable to make a decent PC any more, Apple would be struggling. But according to its latest results it is still doing quite well.
Updated: Leaves Tesla to kick-start Chipzilla
Jim Keller, the former AMD chip executive behind the Zen roadmap, has left Tesla for Intel and joining fellow AMD refugee Raja Koduri to help Chipzilla sort out of its manufacturing stall of the last few years.
Punishing users who dared not to use its servicing team
The outfit which claims it cares for its users more than Facebook, Apple, has been killing off touch functionality in iPhone 8s for those who dared to use an outside person to fix their broken screens.