News - subcat

Cheeky thief mocks Apple’s security
Published in News
Monday, 02 December 2024 09:05

Cheeky thief mocks Apple’s security


Steals IDs and then picks up their gear

The fruity cargo cult Apple is facing a spate of thefts from someone who is mocking its security at all levels.

Apple snubbed by Indonesia over lightweight investment
Published in News


If you want to make a bomb from us you have to invest more

Indonesia has given tech giant Apple the cold shoulder, flat-out rejecting a measly $100 million investment proposal aimed at setting up an accessory and component plant.

New Siri will take two years
Published in AI
Friday, 22 November 2024 09:43

New Siri will take two years


Jobs’ Mob scrambles to play catch-up

The Tame Apple Press is reporting a rumour that Apple will have a new version of Siri out of the box to match the large language models that its rivals have had for ages—there is just one snag.

Apple releases urgent update for buggy software
Published in News
Thursday, 21 November 2024 09:12

Apple releases urgent update for buggy software


Two zero-day holes

The fruity cargo cult, Apple has stunned its user fanbase by admitting that the software it touts as more secure than Microsoft has two zero-day security flaws.

Apple finally fixes poor Siri programming
Published in IoT
Wednesday, 20 November 2024 10:51

Apple finally fixes poor Siri programming


Only taken a decade

Fruity cargo cult Apple might have  finally fixed a problem with Siri which it has known about since  September 17, 2014. 

Apple admits that iPhone was a one-off
Published in News
Wednesday, 06 November 2024 10:15

Apple admits that iPhone was a one-off


Nothing will be that profitable again

The fruity cargo cult Apple has warned investors that future products may never be as profitable as its iPhone business as it pushes into unproven new markets such as artificial intelligence and virtual reality headsets.

iPhone Web browser embarrasses fanboys and girls
Published in Mobiles


Shows friends their browsing history

A glitch in iPhone web browsers is causing users' internet history to resurface at the most inopportune times, leaving many red-faced and anxious about using their devices in public.

Apple intelligence is delayed in Europe until Christmas
Published in Mobiles


Europeans are far too intelligent to accept this

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is starting to release products with its over-hyped  “Apple Intelligence” features, but it looks like it will not be seen in Europe until the end of the year.

Nvidia surpasses Apple as world's most valuable company
Published in News


Tame Apple Press in shock

The Tame Apple Press spent Friday night in the pub drowning its collective sorrows as it was announced that Nvidia has overtaken Apple as the world's most valuable company.

Tame Apple Press admits that iPhone is dull
Published in Mobiles
Tuesday, 22 October 2024 09:49

Tame Apple Press admits that iPhone is dull


iPhone loses its shine

After years of talking up Apple’s iPhone, the Tame Apple Press is having to admit that the iPhone 16 is a dull product which needed to be a lot better.