Published in Mobiles

Tame Apple Press starts building for new iPhone

by on11 April 2014

Lies and twists of logic

As fruity cargo cult Apple prepares to flog a new version of its iPhone, which will be more or less the same as the old one, with a slightly bigger screen, the Tame Apple Press is getting silly. Perhaps the silliest we have come across was Rocco Pendola who works for the Street. Pendola claims that owning the new iPhone will get you laid again. According to Pendola Apple fanboys have had trouble getting into a woman’s knickers every since Android took control of the market.

“The iPhone's about to become a chick magnet again,” he assured his readers. Yeah that is right, there once was a time where you could wave your iPhone and a real live girl would be attracted to you. Now, I am not sure on which planet a member of the opposite sex would ever hope into bed with someone because they had an iPhone, but it certainly did not happen on this one. But what is interesting is that in Pendola’s misogynistic world real men carry iPhones and women simper.

Pendola also has a problem. Like many Apple fanboys he has been spending years arguing that Steve Jobs was absolutely right and a bigger iPhone Screen was pointless. Now that Apple is about to do that, he has to come up with a piss-poor excuse about how it is a good thing. Pendola gets around that by claimed that “if you stop, collaborate and listen, you'll realize I was for it before I was against it.”


iPhone 6 will utterly destroy Android


His argument was that since he was for anything Apple does that not only improves on, but redefines the crap the "competition" throws against the wall, it means that he was for big screens before anyone else. Yeah right Pendola, the only problem is that the crap is that the competition has been making big screen smartphones for years now and Jobs’ Mob has been mucking around relying on people like you to justify its backward decisions.  Now Pendola is making the outrageous claim that with this new iPhone, Apple is going to take back the market from Android, just like it did from Blackberry.

“While Apple's never been a market share story, it's about to become one without even trying. If Apple wanted to actively pursue Android-like marketshare it would and easily could have done it a long time ago,” he claimed.


He said that Apple could have built 6,000 different types of phones like Samsung and other Google hardware partners. It could taken the extreme step of opening iOS up to any and all. Such desperate measures would have given Apple 80 per cent market share or something close to it in everything. But, of course, Apple's not desperate so it doesn't thoughtlessly play the lame market share game.

Pendola said that Apple has proceeded with cautious concern, not panic. So when Apple introduces iPhone 6 -- with one or more larger screen size options -- it will be ready for prime time.


Logic is a rare commodity in fanboy la-la land


Hang on a minute – isn’t that Microsoft’s job description? Isn’t Apple supposed to be the big innovator that the others copy? Not according to Pendola. He says without any irony at all:

“A gap between major Apple innovations should actually foster more bullishness than it has. Rash decisions should worry investors and Apple fans; not a company with the luxury of calling its own shots on its own relatively comfortable timeline.”

Then there is this rallying call to the good old days where Apple was the market leader.

“Apple will have become cool again. And, just like BlackBerry in 2007, Android phones will not stand a chance,” he enthused.

So basically Apple is going to show up with technology that everyone else has, and it is going to take market share from people who have been in the market longer, who have matched or surpassed Apple in terms of hardware and who have cheaper products? Good luck with that Pendola.

What alarms me most about people like Pendola is that they work within Apple’s Reality Distortion Field and yet they are supposed to be independent bloggers and writers. There is no logical reason for Pendola’s conclusions; in fact there is a lot of evidence to suggest the exact opposite. Yet the number people presenting pro-Apple propaganda in the mainstream press has grown, even while the company’s market share slipped.

The relationship which Apple has with the press, which helped it to climb to fame, is now counterproductive to users who really need to know the difference between products and not be sold marketing information as informed comment. Rampant fanboyism is hurting Apple's cause rather than helping it.

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