Apple escalates Epic Games war
Published in Gaming

Blocks Fortnite on iOS in Europe

Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided it can’t get enough of fights with Epic Games and the EU and has escalated the row.

Apple shares hit rock bottom as investors lose faith
Published in News

Mimicking Microsoft under Steve Ballmer

Apple's share price has fallen for the last few weeks. Today, it hit a low for the year, closing at €156.86.

Apple sued for playing monopoly
Published in News

Cloud scams made users pay more

Fruity cargo cult Apple is facing a lawsuit accusing the tech giant of running an illegal monopoly over digital storage for its customers.

Xiaomi boss Lei Jun stunned by Jobs' Mob's car U-turn
Published in News

Why couldn't they get it to start?

Self-professed Apple fanboy and Xiaomi boss Lei Jun is stunned after the fruity cargo cult pulled out of the car market.

Apple's car project goes up in smoke
Published in Transportation

Wasted ten years and millions of quid

Apple has finally given up on its electric car project after ten years of faffing about, changing direction and leadership, and ultimately creating only stories in the Tame Apple Press.

Apple faces probe for killing iPhone web apps in EU
Published in News

The price for being petulant

Apple could be in hot water over its decision to scrap iPhone web apps in the European Union, the Financial Times reports.

Microsoft tried to flog Bing to Apple but got snubbed
Published in News

It probably wished it had bought it now

Microsoft offered to sell its Bing search engine to Apple in 2018, Google claimed in a court paper this month.

Apple’s expensive Vision Pro is cracking up
Published in News

Jobs’ mob rubs paws at prospect of making money repairing it

Apple Vision Pro owners are posting identical reports of a crack appearing on the front glass of their overpriced headsets.

Jobs' Mob robbing meditation gurus
Published in News

Nevermind Nervana, give us 30 per cent of your rice bowl

Fruity cargo cult Apple has been bullying the maker of a meditation app and demanding that a third of the donations given to its teachers be handed over to keep the company wealthy.

Apple tells fanboys not to serve iPhones in rice
Published in News

iPhone sushi is not an approved technology solution

Fruity cargo cult Apple has been forced to tell its rather stupid fanboys that sticking their expensive iPhones in a bed of rice will not be good for their health.