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Apple hires a fashion expert

Will take the missionary position on Apple cathedral building

Fruity cargo cult Apple has hired a former maker of expensive coats to curate its consumer cathedral operations. The former CEO of Burberry Angela Ahrendts, will begin her “creative duties” next week, overseeing the strategic direction, expansion, and operation of Cupertino's retail and online stores.

She was named as Jobs’ Mob’s newest senior vice president in October, but she will officially join Cupertino's executive team next week. Apple recently opened its first stores in Brazil and Turkey and now has a presence in 15 countries, Cook said. Cook wants her to take the missionary position and triple the number of Apple Retail Stores over the next two years. Ahrendts replaces Apple's last head of retail, John Browett, who was ousted in Autumn 2012 after less than a year on the job.

Browett made the cardinal sin of telling leadership teams to tell workers that the company "messed up” when that was against the doctrine of Apple to ever admit that it made a mistake. Browett replaced the father of the Genius Bar Ron Johnson, he left to become CEO of JC Penney in late 2011. But he also got the boot, leaving the retailer in April 2013. Ahrendt ran Burberry since October 2012, and before that, serving as president of Donna Karan International and executive vice president of Liz Claiborne.

Cook claimed she shared Apple’s values and its “focus on innovation”, and she places the same strong emphasis as we do on the “customer experience." The company sold 16.3 million iPads, a drop from the 26 million sold over the holiday quarter. Still, Cook remains confident that things are looking up for the slates.

The CEO also confirmed that the Apple TV — 20 million of which have now been sold — is no longer a hobby; content purchases through the set-top box surpassed $1 billion last year.

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