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Tuesday, 31 December 2013 12:16

Apple fanboy stabs dad for heresy

Written by Nick Farrell



Gave him the wrong Christmas present

An Apple fanboy pulled a knife on his dad for failing to satisfy his religious cravings for a new iPhone this Christmas. The Apple fanboys' religion depends on a regular upgrade of their iPhone, even if it looks and acts pretty much the same as the last one. If they fail in this, their religious purpose, they will be banished from the Walled Garden of Apple Eden and be ritually mocked by their friends.

So needless to say 18-year-old Brockton, Massachusetts resident Alexander Torres was perfectly justified when he failed to get the iPhone he was expecting for Christmas. He pulled a small pocket knife on his father and had to be restrained by multiple family members until the local plod arrived. The father wasn't injured during the scuffle. However, Torres's 24-year-old stepbrother had to be transported to a nearby medical centre to be treated for unspecified injuries.

Torres was arrested and charged with “assault and battery with a dangerous weapon” as well as “assault and battery and malicious damage to a motor vehicle.” It has not been a matter of Santa forgetting Torres because because he has been naughty instead of nice. We suspect the bearded one was just not sure if shallow, stupid, self-obsessed, tendency to think brand is more important than technology, counts as naughty or not. Pulling a knife on your old man probably is the clincher that Santa needed.

The Tame Apple press can’t work out if Torres had received another brand of smartphone for Christmas, which would be justifiable attempted homicide or if it had not arrived in time which was just the Will of Jobs.

Lots of Apple fanboys have been disappointed this Christmas because UPS and Fedex were unable to deliver tons of late Christmas gifts due to the last minute holiday rush. It fortunately means that the standards of the world will not be lowered for a few more days.

Nick Farrell

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