You will be tracked

The fruity cargo cult Apple is incandescent with rage after looters dared to take their overpriced trinkets from Apple stores.

No port in a storm

The dark satanic rumour mill has manufactured a hell on earth yarn in which Apple gets rid of all ports on its iPhone cash cow and goes completely wireless.

Hopefully this can bring it into the 21st century

Apple has been unable to improve its rather out of date Siri technology and has been shopping around technology companies to buy the tech it needs.

Because schools can’t read Apple’s esoteric photo formats

Apple’s insistence on using esoteric file formats is forcing fanboys to resit their exams.

Unified programming interface for public health 

Tech giants  Apple and Google have rolled out a COVID-19 exposure notification system, essentially a unified programming interface that will allow public health departments to create their own contact tracing applications.

Whistleblower warns

A former Apple contractor who helped blow the whistle on the company's programme to listen to users' Siri recordings has decided to go public, in protest at the lack of action taken as a result of the disclosures.

They will not come with the phone any more

Just when you think that Apple could not work out another way to make its customers pay more for their phones, the fruity cargo cult has come up with another way to punish its users for following it.

But customers must wear masks while they are robbed

Apple has said that it will also open 25 stores in the US this week but fanboys who show up with their heavy weapons in a show of solidarity for its anti-lock down policy will have to wear masks and have their temperature taken.

Yeah, about that

Apple’s security is so pants, a software exploit broker has stopped offering bounties on jailbreaking the software because there are too many out there.

SE shows flaws in Apple's pricing

The Tame Apple Press has got itself into trouble by looking at the spec of the Apple iPhoneSE and the iPhone 11.