Published in AI

Apple invented AI

by on10 June 2024

It is called Apple Intelligence

The Fruity Cargo Cult Apple is trying to hide its long-standing lagging in the AI race by pretending to have invented it.

The Tame Apple Press has been getting moist about Jobs’ Mob finally getting around to offering AI updates during its worldwide developers' conference.  But amusingly it seems Apple has come up with a solution as to why it is so late to the game.

Apparently, Apple is not going to use the sort of AI promoted by the rest of the world. It has been working on something so advanced, super, cool, and high-tech that it will be called Apple Intelligence or AI for short.  So when Apple talks about AI it is not talking about the same AI that the rest of you riffraff. It is talking about its own patent pending Apple intelligence which could be good, bad, or as thick as pig shit.

This idea was brought to you by the same marketing people who thought it would be a good idea to crush all of humanities, culture, and art into a flat, soulless package in an iPad advert.  

Apparently, Apple Intelligence will be available in new versions of the iPhone, iPad, and Mac operating systems. The good thing about Apple Intelligence is that you do not have to provide a new product or even true AI.  All you have to do is use the term to apply to Apple's in-house tools such as message writing, photo editing, and summarising texts. If anyone kicks up a stink, then you can backtrack and say these are not AI products but Apple intelligence products.

Meanwhile, the Tame Apple Press can say: “It's entirely unsurprising that Apple is choosing a unique brand to call its artificial intelligence systems.”


Last modified on 10 June 2024
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