Published in News

Apple protects fanboys from its flaming mobiles

by on29 October 2014


Because they will catch fire

It appears that the fruity cargo cult Apple has given up on coming up with designs that will not catch fire.

For a while now Apple has had  problem that its loyal fans will have their genitals damaged by one of their phones catching fire in their pants. While Apple does not really care if any of its users’ live or die, it does mean that in the long term a species of fanboys which buy every thing the company makes will become extinct.

Apple has patented a "halogen-free flame retardant material" which can resist unexpected trouser-related fires. Halogen is considered an industrial pollutant and Apple's patent is a way for coming up with using unhalogenated flame retardants.

Jobs’ Mob said that more than 10 per cent of fires are caused by electrical faults of wiring and electrical equipment, and that these fires account for 19 per cent of fire-related injuries.

Apple's invention has "excellent flame retardancy, electric insulation properties, and crack resistance, and produces only negligible amounts of toxic substances during incineration, if any at all.”

Of course they could come up with designs that do not bend and thus cause the battery to explode, but that would mean that they would not be so thin and floppy.


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