We have reached peak smartphone numbers
Published in Mobiles

Apple doomed unless it can come up with something else

IDC beancounters have added up some numbers and worked out that we have reached "peak smartphone" which means that unless Apple can come up with a new cash cow, it is doomed to maintain or lose its stonking sales figures.

Apple purges Christian holiday from iPhone
Published in Mobiles

Thou shalt not have any gods before Steve Jobs

The fruity cargo cult Apple has taken its first stand against rival religions by banning fanboys from celebrating the most significant holiday on the Christian calendar.

Apple feature crashes phone with a single button
Published in News

Comedy programming strikes again

The fruity cargo cult Apple’s comedy programming team have come up with a super, cool, well designed, bug which crashes your phone, iwatch, iPad or apple television by pressing a single letter.

Homehub is the destroyer of wooden objects
Published in News

Don't stick it on your desk or anywhere useful

Apple's overpriced, overhyped speakers have a feature that Amazon, and Google don't – they destroy anything wooden they are placed on.

Gates warns other tech companies of Microsoft style arrogance
Published in News

Don't do what we did

Bill Gates warned other tech giants that they risk the kind of nightmarish government intervention that once plagued Microsoft if they continue to act arrogantly.

Consumer Reports rubbishes HomePod
Published in News

Countering the Tame Apple Press

The Tame Apple Press is doing its best to flog Apple's overpriced mono speaker by saying that the sound quality is equal to $1,000 speakers. However, the Consumer Reports magazine is having none of that and is warning punters to ignore the hype.

Apple wants the police to protect it from the French
Published in News

Arrest those who insist we pay tax

Apple has asked the French courts to protect it from those who insist that the company pay its tax bill.

Apple shocks fans with HomeHub's gouging
Published in News

Repair bill not cool for cats

Apple fanboys who think it is essential to buy its HomeHub not-so-smart speaker for three times the cost of more intelligent models from its rivals are being shocked to discover that Jobs’ Mob is gouging them for more cash to cover "repairs".

iPhone X can’t make more than 15 phone calls
Published in Mobiles

You get what you pay for

If you paid out more than a $1,200 for an iPhone which similar features to one half the price you would expect it to make phone calls without borking? Apparently not.

Apple HomePod pre-orders sell out
Published in News

There is one born every minute

Apple fanboys have managed to make the sale of the HomePod a success according to the Apple fanzine the Inquirer.