As one market shuts, another market closes
Apple's bid to replace its Chinese market with India has received a swift kick in the nadgers from the Indian government.
Wrong religion beardie
A bloke who is known as the “Philly Jesus” was arrested for disorderly conduct after refusing to leave an Apple Store in Philadelphia.
Looks like even cordless headphones have been abandoned
One of the few “innovations” that Apple was supposed to stick under the bonnet of its iPhone 7 was a move to wi-fi headphones which would allow the phone to get thinner.
Either that or a time traveller from the future, trying to stop it
A weasel is believed to have bought the Large Hadron Collider to its knees and delayed the project’s attempt at opening a vortex in time and space and bringing an end to the world as we know it.
The death of the "game changer"
There more evidence that tablets were never the game-changer that Steve Jobs tried to peddle them as, and were just the keyboardless netbooks we said they were.
China could really mess the company up
Billionaire activist investor and Apple cheerleader Carl Icahn has dumped his entire stake in Apple because he thinks the writing is on the wall for the tech company.
Unless you are Samsung or Chinese
The smartphone industry is flatter than a flatfish which has been sat on by an elephant having a nice bath in an African watering hole.
All thanks to new EMI shielding
After five years, it seems that Apple is back to loving Samsung's NAND flash memory again.
Bottom end hit by lack of ideas
Apple has begun its slow death march to oblivion as it is unable to come up with the new products which gave it its innovative image – yesterday Apple posted its first-ever decline in iPhone sales and its first revenue drop in 13 years.