Apple stuffed as sales people start telling the truth
Published in Mobiles

Tame Apple Press furious

The Tame Apple Press is furious that truthful sales people are undermining all the efforts it made to make the iPhone X look super cool and value for money.

Sorry Europe Apple $29 battery deal is for English-speakers only
Published in News

Europeans have to upgrade or be throttled

It is impressive how easily Apple shuts up journalists. Jobs' Mob managed to convince the tame Apple Press that it was not evil for throttling old iPhones by dropping the cost of battery replacement – but it seems only English and American Apple fanboys will be given the discount.

SEC tells Apple to listen to shareholders
Published in News

Must listen to a proposal about human rights

Fruity cargo-cult Apple has been told that it must listen to its shareholders when they ask it to adopt policies that encourage human rights.

Apple has shot itself in the foot
Published in News

Battery issues will damage 2018 sales

The fruity cargo-cult Apple’s moves to throttle the speed of iPhones with old batteries will damage its 2018 sales, according to Barclays Bank analysts.

Tower of Babel grows as Roku has its say
Published in News

Help me, help me!

Roku will introduce a voice assistant with its technology later this year, entering what's getting to be a crowded space packed with the likes of Amazon, Google, Apple and more.

Apple says sorry for “misunderstanding” over phone throttling
Published in Mobiles

All a terrible misunderstanding

Apple has just published a letter to customers saying sorry for throttling older phones which might have dodgy batteries without telling them.

Italians now own Steve Jobs
Published in News

You toucha our brand we breaka your face

Apple no longer owns the right to Steve Jobs’ name after a landmark trademark dispute in Italy.

Apple prepares to enter Saudi Arabia
Published in News

Fundamentalist religious cult with too much money enters Saudi Arabia

Apple is in licensing discussions with Riyadh on investing in Saudi Arabia and turning the region into a Mecca for Apple goods.

Samsung Galaxy Note 8 has battery problem
Published in Mobiles

Tame Apple Press claims it is just copying Apple again

While the iPhone has been suffering from battery problems, thanks mostly to Jobs' Mob's throttling of users for their own good, the Tame Apple Press has been focusing on the rival Samsung Galaxy Note 8, which appears to have problems of its own.

Apple faces more bad news on IPhoneX
Published in News

Predictions get gloomier

Staff at the fruity cargo cult Apple will be hitting the Christmas spirits over the holidays as it looks like the company's cunning plan of keeping its iPhone cash cow alive by making users pay more has failed.