Apple’s Full-Page Display disaster fondly remembered
Published in News

Tame Apple Press commemorates Steve Jobs' brilliance

Desperate that its favourite toymaker seems unable to come up with new products, the Tame Apple Press has gone all nostalgic about something Apple did in 1989.

Apple might finally kill off iTunes
Published in News

Finally, it has realised how bad it is

Someone in the Apple spaceship has finally realised that its iTunes product is rubbish and probably can't be saved.

Toddler hacks mum's iPhone and locks her out for 48 years
Published in Mobiles

So much for security

A two year old has managed to lock his mum out of her iPhone for 48 years thanks to Apple's super secure worth every penny form of security.

Apple wants to make even more expensive headphones
Published in News

Claims they will sound better

Apple's recent move into the speaker market has shown that it can convince stupid people that it can make "high-quality"  hi-end sound equipment and now it thinks it can make the same move on the headphone market.

Apple workers walk into walls
Published in News

Soon everyone will have a nose as thin, flat and as useless as an iPhone

As Steve Jobs lay dying, his last project was a super-cool headquarters where his staff could beaver away in his absence.

Apple has big problems with glass
Published in News

Employees hurt

A problem with the design of glass at Apple's HQ has led to three employees being sufficiently hurt that they needed urgent medical treatment.

Dialog expects Apple to order its chips at least until 2020
Published in Processors

Jobs' Mob would never do an Imagination on us

Dialog Semiconductor expects Apple to use its chips for a significant proportion of its devices in 2019 and 2020 and has no fears that Jobs' Mob will dump it like Imagination, and invent its own chips.

Apple 2019 iPhone won't have 5G
Published in Mobiles

Exclusive: They will wait

After months of investigation we can report with a high level of certainty that Apple doesn’t plan to have 5G capabilities in an iPhone in 2019.

Vulkan graphics finally come to Macs and iOS
Published in News

The needs of the few will be finally met

The Khronos Group, a consortium of hardware and software companies, has announced that the Vulkan graphics technology is finally coming to Apple's platforms, allowing games and apps to run at faster performance levels on Macs and iOS devices.

Apple cuts off iTunes from "obsolete" Apple TV
Published in News

Upgrade to an expensive new Apple TV

Fruity cargo cult Apple has decided that the easiest way to get its users to upgrade to its new Apple TV is to pull the plug on iTunes.