Published in News

Apple fanboys get vibrating underpants

by on19 April 2013

Durex finds virgin market

Condom maker Durex has worked out a way of tapping the virgin Apple fanboy market. For a long time Apple fanboys have used their personalities as contraception and did not need to buy any Durex products.

To solve this problem, Durex have created a product that Apple fanboys can actually use. It is a pair of vibrating underpants which is controlled via the Apple user’s iPhone. Dubbed "Fundawear" Durex hopes that it will make Apple fanboys pants an article of fun rather than something that mum washes every week. The undergarments are loaded with touch technology, and are controlled by a smartphone app—an iPhone in the demo videos—that knows what gender your partner is. The app has diagrams of your partner's crotch, which you drag your finger across to stimulate their actual crotch from wherever you are in the world.

The new app will mean that Apple Fanboys can finally masturbate in public, presumably without violating any laws which sort of imply your hands have to be on some kind of equipment. It will give them something to do when they are waiting in those long queues which they form when they buy Apple gear.

Of course not that an Apple fanboy needs durex to climax. All he really needs is a to see the latest announcement from Jobs’ Mob or get himself excited about what next year’s product is and he will need to clean his pants. It is not clear how Fundawear operates under wedgie conditions. It would probably make them fun, which will disappoint school bullies everywhere.

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