You must have expensive phones

The smartphone-based system proposed by Apple and Google to track whether a person has encountered a person infected with the coronavirus, and take appropriate action such as casting them out of their community with other lepers is controversial. But it seems we don’t really have to worry much about it, because the greatest software minds in Google and Apple are behind it and have assumed that the world is all buying the latest phones as they come out.

It is so out of date it is practically steam driven

Fruity cargo-cult Apple’s bid to interest the Chinese with a “cheap” version is getting much mock in Bejing.

A little trouble in Big China

Fruity cargo cult Apple is selling 20 percent less phones in China than it did last year.

iPhone 12 that is

Many outlets covered the rumor that Apple plans to delay its 5G iPhone because of COVID-19 and Foxconn production capacity issues but as we suspected, the rumors turn out to be premature.

Situation is grave when that happens

While many Chinese phone vendors are reporting that sales are starting to go up again, Apple is not one of them because it is behind on 5G.

It is like Game of Thrones, with the wrong type of boobies

Apple’s Information Systems & Technology [IS&T] department which builds much of the company's internal technology tools is completely paranoid and dysfunctional, according to a former staffer.

Can’t handle big stuff

Mac users are experiencing occasional system crashes after updating to macOS Catalina version 10.15.4, released a few weeks ago and it turns out that the software might not be up to snuff.

Is amazed at how dull their life is

The Tame Apple Press is mortified to discover that a hacker has managed to find three holes in Safari and use them to take control of the camera of any Apple PC.

Anti-competative

 Tile, which helps users find missing items,said it is completely lost why the convicted monopolist Apple's anti-competative antics are getting worse.

We invented the weather

Apple has given a popular weather app a pile of cash and told it to shut off Android users from the service.