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Apple invents the personal assistant

by on01 June 2017


New, cutting edge, super cool, innovative

The super cool, innovative, and cutting edge fruity tax-dodging cargo cult, Apple has once again beaten its rivals by producing an AI personal assistant.

Apple is manufacturing a Siri-controlled smart speaker that could debut as soon as its annual developer conference in June. 


Now, doubters might think Apple is a bit late with this one. After all don’t Amazon, Google and even Microsoft already have an AI controlled smart speaker? Well they are wrong, besides Apple makes much more money than them, and making more margin is proof that they invented it right?

Besides, Apple’s AI will have virtual surround sound technology and deep integration with Apple's product lineup, which means is TRUE AI. Everything thing is intelligent would only shop at an Apple store right?

The speaker is thought to provid a hub to automate appliances and lights via Apple's HomeKit system, and establishing a bulwark inside the home to lock customers more tightly into Apple's network of services.

Google's and Amazon's connected speakers, the Home and Echo mostly don't support services from Apple. Which means if Apple fanboys buy them, they might end up purchasing cheaper products from non apple stores which would be a terrible thing. They might discover that Spotify, Amazon Prime Music or Google Play are much better than Apple Music.

Making virtual surround sound is a bit of comedy though. According to the Tame Apple Press , the speakers being tested are “louder” and reproduce sound “more crisply” than rival offerings. Audiophiles would say that crispy is what they called tinny and just because it is loud does not mean that it is better.

Apple has also considered including sensors that measure a room's acoustics and automatically adjust audio levels during use. Which is pointless given that we are still talking about the sound coming out of a tiny cheap speaker.

 

Last modified on 01 June 2017
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