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Trump calls for a return to snail mail

by on03 January 2017


Making America great again by getting rid of all those pesky computers 


US president elect Donald (Prince of Orange) Trump says he has a cunning plan to improve cyber-security – he wants to return to the pre-email days of the courier.

Trump claims that “no computer is safe” and called for important messages to be delivered by courier rather than email – just like the good old days.

Speaking to hacks at a New Year’s Eve party at the Mar-a-Lago club in Florida, he said that there was no need to send emails anyway.

“If you have something really important, write it out and have it delivered by courier, the old-fashioned way. I’ll tell you what: No computer is safe. I don’t care what they say.”

Trump, who is famous for his Tweeting, said that computers have “complicated lives very greatly” and led to an age “where nobody knows exactly what is going on”.

During his campaign, Trump’s policies on cybersecurity were summed up in four written bullet points that lacked any concrete detail but included the promise to develop cyber weapons.

“Develop the offensive cyber capabilities we need to deter attacks by both state and non-state actors and, if necessary, to respond appropriately,” the manifesto states.

We guess that writing your message in pen and ink and then attaching it to a pigeon would certainly fool Russian and Chinese hackers, although there is a chance that they could be killed by eagles.

Trump has previously suggested that it might be a good idea to “closing areas” of the internet because “The security aspect of cyber is very, very tough. And maybe it’s hardly doable”.

Last modified on 03 January 2017
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