Fruity purveyor of rounded rectangular dreams, Apple wants you to turn your home over to its control. In what can only be dubbed an “Orwellian Nightmare” the fruit themed cargo cult wants to develop a smart home concept at its upcoming Worldwide Developers Conference.

Under the deal, Apple fanbous will turn their houses over to a system which lets users control their lights, appliances and security systems with their iPhones. Apple feels the need to copy Google on this score. The Search Engine outfit purchased Nest Labs, a smart thermostat started by former Apple execs Tony Fadell and Matt Rogers, for $2.8 billion in January.

A "select number" of device makers will be certified to offer products that work with Apple's upcoming system, according to the report. Only an Apple fanboy would consider turning over control of his life to Apple. Would you let a company which writes software which is the easiest to hack control your door lock? 

There are other things that those wacky creeps in Apple might try to pull with control of your house. Your alarm clock could subliminally tell you, while you sleep, that you must buy the latest Apple gear. Your fridge might tell you that you can’t eat fatty food, or meat, or you will never be slim and healthy like Steve Jobs. Your toilet bowl might change so that an Android symbol appears on the bottom. Your television might censor out the Game of Thrones because it is not wholesome family entertainment, or replace it with content from Pixar.

Your electrics might surge to short circuit non-Apple products and your wardrobe software might order that your clothes be replaced with black turtlenecks and jeans. Your book collection will suddenly cost you a third more for no apparent reason and if you try to change jobs you will be mysteriously fired. Every morning you will get an email notice on your mirror from Dan_AMD saying that everything in your house is perfect, even if the toaster has just attempted to have sex with the cat.