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Tuesday, 10 September 2013 08:36

Sad Apple fanboys start to queue for “something”

Written by Nick Farrell

It's got to be great

Apple fanboys have already begun queuing for the latest Apple product even if they do not know what it is yet. In a classic case of “we must buy it because it has an Apple logo on it a queue has started outside Apple's Cult Cathedral in the Fifth Avenue flagship store in Manhattan.

The tame Apple Press has said that the iPhone 5S line has already begun, despite Apple not even having made its announcement yet. In fact it is likely being announced today. The fanboys in the line are following a star which told them that the product will be out on the 17th or the 20th. They want to be the first to praise the infant. Those queuing have admitted that they were taking a big risk as the release date could be even later, but they have faith.

A slightly lesser risk is that Apple might decide not to release the iPhone 5s, but a device to take semen from a bull elephant. Of course the fanboys would buy it anyway. After all being doing what you are told and buying something simply because it is offered for sale is what “thinking different” is all about.

According to Motherboard Vice they have been there for 72 hours. It noted that the Cargo Cult shop is just across the road from the statue of the Roman goddess of abundance Pomona, who is ironically a Roman virgin fruit goddess. Worship Pomona and you might get fruit but you will never get laid. This was confirmed by the fanboys. Only one said they had a girlfriend, but there was no follow up question like “you do know that Siri is not a real girl, don’t you?”

Of course while the authorities would tear gas and move on an Occupy encampment, the coppers seem quite happy to let daft fanboys camp there. We did ring up the local council and ask if we could tear gas the queue on their behalf but were told that was best that public order was left to the police.  It is not really clear why being the first to buy an Apple toy is such a great blessing. After all they could pre-order it online and save themselves a lot of sleepless nights and the potential for muggings, or at least wedgies, from Manhattan’s nightlife. 

All that effort for a phone which, based on previous experience, will be the same as the last phone, only the things that were broken might be fixed. This one will have a fingerprint scanner which will probably turn out to have a huge security flaw in it and need to be fixed in the iPhone 6.

What is sad is that the same people will be there next year when the iPhone 5S is out of date and replaced by something else.

Nick Farrell

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